No One Really Cares About Stone Gossard’s Personal Life, Anyway.

Pearl Jam revs up to celebrate Stone Gossard Week yet across the underworld the oddest people yet themselves, “Why do we care? This guy seems gross to me.”

Written by Corinne Devin Sullivan warmly in support of Stone Gossard’s Birthday.

And thanks very much to @jeffamentsarmy for providing just a TON of great stuff you’ll find below!!!!!!

Before anyone busts a move in this direction, study some psychology textbooks to decipher this “Stone Gossard Miracle”, more thoroughly, people. I have to do this as a Pearl Jam devotee for life. And it seems like I’ve got to be really dismissive or at least that’s what the book is instructing. Fact is, per this, calling historical icons, “gross,” apparently, is suicidal. Excuse me—what I meant to say is “beneficial”.

Wait a sec! This article is snobbery aimed at defining helpless, social-climbers in ebbing rock and roll currents, such as myself (who has been abandoned). All of us are simply left on the edges of a black hole of information smack dab in the center of Stone Gossard’s love life.

We all can relate to the fact Stone Gossard is a founding member of Pearl Jam. Pearl Jam is succinctly the best. But if you feel the need to go on a roll, please keep it to The Music, only. That is, if you want to gain some respect. That’s all this investigative reporter who staunchly supports herself inside her own breast will say. The rest of this is pure fiction. Well, I guess I’m making it up, after all!

Right.

Stone?

But if I was just being regular old, smelly me, I’d revert to poetic stuff. Simply blathering on about how Stone Gossard is one of the bona fide “most recognized human beings on Earth” today isn’t doing it. And this sustains itself without question, despite the arrogant dearth of information that his publicity department is guilty of. These guys are denying all of us the insight. Who is Stone Gossard, really, to this age’s world, without a PR department splashing details of his mythical escapades across every front page. You know he wants it! No lovely avenue of love so far as any offspring writer can tell and that is something that’s missing when it comes to marketing, don’t you think, Stone?

Sometime in the 1500’s, publishers got this guy named Shakespeare going places. He told everyone how a woman scorned is the worst possible case scenario.

(Who is this I’m talking to anyway? Oh. Well. It’s just my Apple device. Apparently!)

Can’t be Stone Gossard because he doesn’t recognize any of this.

My publications or blogs seem to everyone (with more than a pension plan in mind) how they tear up someone’s reputation, or to be simply made-up. And those are the swarming bees I’m up against whenever someone tries to access Stone Gossard’s love life.

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Hey, I’m sorry. Seems I left the record button open on my Apple device while I was voice recording this awesome text. I think I’ll leave it. It stands!

I just want to say that not everything seems nice at all times in this crazy, fucked-up world. So, thanks, Stone Gossard, for being born. Again! We need more of you, not less! Because, simply put, you ROCK!!!, you “smelly old fart”!

And happy birthday, mystery boy.